On Courtly Love, Sexual Coercion, and Killing Your Idols

Presumably, there will come a time when we will no longer need think pieces on how courtly love as a construct has poisoned romantic and sexual interactions – especially straight ones. Unfortunately, today is not that day, and we have learned once again, and to our sorrow, that our favs are problematic and our idols must be sacrificed. So, we’re gonna talk about it.

I am here to tell you that any time you hear about men being super pushy about sexual advances and not taking no for an answer, you can pretty much trace the enshrinement of said behaviour back to the OG problematic bin-fire, Andreas Capellanus.

We’ve talked about Andreas several times before because he has a lot to fucking answer for. For those new to the game (and sleeping on my insights about Hotline Bling), Andreas, was, as his name suggests a chaplain. Obviously, he was therefore uniquely suited to giving out romantic advice. He wrote an actual guide on the rules of love, called De Amore, which is really something fucking special.
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That’s not what chivalry is, but OK

My loves, we are now, as ever, surrounded by basics and their whack-ass understanding of medieval history. As a Lady Historian™ I am often subjected to tirades from Nice Guys lamenting how I, a lady, am breathing in public, but how they a Nice Guy are going to be chill about it because they ‘still believe in chivalry’.

That is not what chivalry is.

Now, I don’t even mean not believing an expert in a subject because of Dunning Kreuger isn’t exactly polite, when I say ‘that is not what chivalry is’. What I mean is that chivalry really isn’t about treating the ladies right (or whatever the fuck passes for right in your mind when you are out here actively harassing women who are smarter than you, which is to say all of them.)

Continue reading “That’s not what chivalry is, but OK”

On Hotline Bling and courtly love

We’ve ranted, in brief, before about the cultural circumstances that inspired courtly love. (I’m sorry for reminding you about the whole Sansa thing.  Our girl doing good now though, right?  Right.)

The thing about courtly love is generally that people think courtly love is a part of some super-romantic tradition of lords and ladies having a very nice time and falling in love and getting married.  That is not what it is about.

What it is about is a bunch of young knights who can’t get married, because they don’t have any property, sitting around trying to conceal their boners while they look at the lady of the house.  See, because of the primogeniture system, (aka the oldest son gets everything), excess sons who didn’t join the Church usually went and found places in other households as knights in the hopes that they’d manage to get a grant of land one way or another eventually.

Continue reading “On Hotline Bling and courtly love”

Let’s talk about Game of Thrones part 2: on marriage and Sansa

So, Game of Thrones, am I right?  (I am.)  Oh, what is that, you are unsettled by marital rape?  Excellent, that means you are not a worthless human being.  Sadly, however, I’m going to welcome you to marriage in the medieval period, my friends.
OK, OK, let’s back it up.  Perhaps when you think about marriage in the medieval period you’re all like …

chivalry

Yeah, but no.  The thing about chivalric or courtly love is that it was a construct that has nothing to do with people actually being married.  Wait, no, it has a lot to do with people being married, but the people in love were never married.
When you think about courtly love who do you name?  Probably Guinevere and Lancelot, no? Yeah think about who was married there.

I’ll give you a minute.

Right.

Continue reading “Let’s talk about Game of Thrones part 2: on marriage and Sansa”